Unafraid

Published on January 01, 2008 by Tabitha Teves

As  a teenager, it wasn’t an atypical Saturday night for me.  I found myself perched on top of a wooden barstool, center stage, balancing an old acoustic guitar on my lap.  The stool was smooth and polished, and my right foot kept slipping off one of the rungs causing me to lose my grip on the instrument that nearly swallowed up my small frame.  I’m sure I looked ridiculous.  But, I quickly readjusted my pose, trying to look as natural as possible in the most unnatural of situations.  I could see little flecks of dust floating lazily in the stream of light that bore down on me from the spotlight at the back of the coffee house.  If I squinted I could see through the light to make out the silhouette of a small audience clustered around candle-lit tables.  And if I looked even  harder, I could spot my mom.  Waiting.  Even though I couldn’t see her face, I knew she was smiling.  And that was enough.  I gripped my brown,  heart-shaped pick between my thumb and middle finger, licked my lips, leaned toward the mic, and with that the song began. 

Looking back, I see a time in life when I lived with abandon.  I knew what my passions were.  Even at a young age, I seemed unnaturally in tune with my calling.  I stumbled upon my gifts and pursued them with near obsession.  It was like a child unwrapping a gift tied with string and the biggest silver ribbon you’ve ever seen!  Eyes wide open with disbelif, I discovered the gifts my maker had given me to serve Him with, and nothing could stop me. 

But something happened along the way, between here and there.  Somewhere among the criticisms and the comparisons, the one thing that made me happiest, somehow made me miserable.  A sneaky little adjective crept along the corners of my mind until it wrapped its icy fingers around my heart, squeezing the life out of my passions and whispering lies until I found myself surrendering to its grip.  I was afraid. 

I   can think back to periods of time where, in frustration, I just gave up.  I swore I’d never do it again.  God must have made a mistake...because something was terribly wrong.  He trusted me with these gifts, and all they managed to do was hurt me.  But my declarations of abandonment disintegrated time and again, and they were pushed aside as I tried and tried to pursue my callings.  In spite of my misery, I couldn’t stop. 

But  I was still afraid.  And for me, to be afraid is the worst feeling in the world.  It’s something I think we all struggle with.  Beginning in those lovely awkward years of life, hovering somewhere between childhood and adulthood; those years that rob us of our confidence and leave us wondering, like Moses, why God would want to use someone so unaccomplished. 

So  for years, like most of us, I struggled and grew and I prayed desperately for God to bring me peace  and give me the strength to serve Him unafraid.  Faithfully, as always, He came through.  But, it still felt like something wasn’t right.  I was still missing a vital piece of the overall picture.   

Then, all of a sudden, it hit me.  Joy.  Nehemiah 8:10 says, “...the joy of the Lord is your strength.”  What happened to joy? 

Too  often we allow fear to dictate our lives.  The Enemy uses fear to hinder our success, our relationships, our service, even our obedience to God.  In the presence of fear, we miss out on the joy God has for us in living for Him.  And that joy becomes our strength!  It is with this strength we can fulfill the calling and purpose God h as for us! 

I don’t believe God wants us to simply survive by our own means.  There is more for us in life than what we allow ourselves to experience!  Even through trials, the worst of times, James encourages us to “consider it pure joy.”  Imagine a life void of joy.  Opportunities would slip through our fingertips.  Experiences, relationships, love, would be dull and tarnished at best.  Imagine the life we forsake at the cost of fear.   

Just like before, when I knew my mom was watching it was enough to give me the strength to sing.  God is pleased with every bit of our lives we offer back to Him.  He smiles on those who are fully surrendered to Him.  His perfect love casts out fear and ushers in an unimaginable joy.  This joy alone gives us the strength to live and serve with abandon. 

We  all have the calling to live for Him.  So we do.  But, it’s how we choose to live that makes all the difference.  

Find that joy.  Live unafraid.